Lake Havasu

The trip to Lake Havasu this weekend was a blast.  We were trying to quantify how much fun it was into Fun Units (FUs), but still we failed to completely assess a total number.  We also discovered that for every FU particle expended, there would later be a number of opposing particles emitted, since it is the nature of...well, Nature, to keep things in balance.  Thus we had a number of unforseen difficulties in both piloting the houseboat we had rented, and in driving three cars successfully back to San Diego.  However, in the end, the ratio of FU units to Un-Fun Units (UFUs) exceeded 1.0, so we feel like we came out ahead.  Eat that, Nature.

"It's The Heat, Buddy."

After driving for about 6 hours on Thursday night we got to Lake Havasu City and parked at Denny's to the first rays of Friday's rising sun.  We stepped out of the vehicles into what felt like some witch's oven, quickly preheating to the optimum baking temperature of 110 degrees F. 

Note that, although extremely satsifying, the Denny's Extreme Grand Slam breakfast did seem a little less-than-extreme in some respects, since it was not served overarm at 70mph by the waitress, nor was it served directly into the face, which is what I expected.  And the syrup was a little tepid.

After leaving Denny's we made the first trip of what would seem to be a relentless cavalcade of trips to Walgreens, mostly to purchase ice, mostly to keep our keg of precious C-minus at a temperature somewhat below the sublimation point of titanium.

"Man, we go through ice quick," Mark remarked to the liquor counter guy, and wiped a bead of sweat from his nose, his camel expiring beneath him with a piteous bellow.

"It's the heat, buddy," the guy responded, his voice gruff and smug, certain that he had just divulged to us the secret behind a great mystery.  He then danced a whimsical jig and doffed his cap, spittle spattering the counter top, which was littered with crayons and what looked like an attempt to do a paint-by-number painting, only every number was painted brown, and the paint had not stayed in the lines at all.

We then caravaned out to the marina where we acquired our houseboat.

The Houseboat

Unnamed, or at least named in such a benign and boring way that I have completely forgotten what the name was, the houseboat served its job as both a house and a boat pretty well.  This is different from a boathouse, which is not a boat, and much less of a house, and make sure you didn't rent one of those by mistake.

The first thing to do on a houseboat, of course, is to inflate any inflatable items you may be carrying.

Secondly, do the opposite of doff your hat, which I don't know the verb for.  Oh yeah, "put on".  So put on your nautical hat, and any other nautical items you have with you.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, proceed to chillax.  You will do much of this, so get good at it.  It helps to consume some alcoholic beverages for this step.  Here are some examples of how to do this:

Oh yeah, and if you have a hot-tub on board, make sure it can also serve as a cold-tub.

Fourthly, leap gracefully into the water as hard as you can.

 

Then, cook up some food, drink some more beer, pump up some music, and try to pretend it's not 110 degrees out.  Keep pretending.

If you didn't nab one of the beds, fall asleep in the kitchenette.  Have a good dream about it not being 110 degrees.

Day 2

Day 2 should be just like day 1.  Perhaps a little more extreme.

UFUs

Then, just as the weekend is coming to a close, and everything has gone so well, proceed to have a breakdown in Needles, the hottest place on Earth not considered part of the Sun.  Then have to spend one more night in Lake Havasu and rent the last one-way car rental in Arizona in order to get home.  Then, if you are Mark, have to drive back out to Barstow and get your car towed. Then if you are me, come home to find a plump little parking ticket dangling from your windshield wiper, like a bureaucratic dingleberry. Then find out that the "damage" cost for the non-working houseboat engine are $500.

Hopefully, if you follow these instructions, you too will have a good time.  Enjoy!

technorati tags:vacation, houseboat, havasu, arizona