High Dupenition TV

Well, I've been duped. I thought a HDTV was a wonderful device that would show higher resolution TV shows, movies, and video games in the comfort of my own home, but I was wrong. It is a device that delivers high definition commercials straight into my brain via the optic nerves. Boy can those commercials be beautiful. I think a particular green-bottled beer has the most luscious ad I've ever seen.

We only saw the last half of the Superbowl yesterday, and none of the Superbowl ads were that great, as I understand is the prevailing common expectation. I hate ads. But as brief entertaining interludes in the football game, I guess they're not so bad, as long as they fulfill their unwritten requirement to be funny.

However, here's something to think about advertisers: The funniest ad I saw was pretty good, but I don't even remember what the product was. I think it was a can of nuts. But really, if the ad made me want to eat assorted nuts at all, which at times I want to do anyway, it didn't do much to influence which particular brand or kind of nuts I would purchase. Nuts is nuts, I say, and if I'm going to pay forth $1.59 for a bunch of nuts, I'm most likely to choose the largest package of such nuts that are available for that price. I really don't care what brand they are. You guys might want to go into a business selling a distinctive product where a memorable ad might actually influence customers to pick your product over a rival's. Nuts. And nuts are cheap. I'm sure you pay millions for your 30-seconds of high definition exposure to my eyeballs, but I have got to hope there is a smarter way of spending that money. Maybe try sending me free samples of nuts. If they are good, I will probably tell some people I see on the street that they might like to purchase your nuts. And I will phrase it thusly: "Hey you guys, you see these nuts, why don't you buy some?" Simple, concise, and it gets the point across. But I would highly recommend going into some other business.

Secondly, here's the thing: Car ads. What the hell. I know what a goddamn car driving around looks like. I also know what more than one car driving around looks like. Do we need another commercial like that? Are the cars being driven by monkeys, or clowns, or aliens, or maybe even a funny-looking guy with a funky hat? No? Then don't show me the goddamn car commercial, because I am sick to death of cars driving around on my HDTV. If I want to see cars driving around up close I'll go lie in the street. Nuts. I can't believe they would spend millions of bucks to sell me a package of mixed nuts.